Saturday, December 10, 2005
Sleeepless..
I can't sleep.
I thought about why so, and then I realised it must be the tea I had @ Ya Kun. SHITE. So, since I can't sleep, I got a wee bit
kaypoh and blog-hopped abit. After reading strangers' and
ppl-whom-i-dun-likes' blogs, I'm having mixed emotions now. A feeling too complex to be written or comprehended. so nvm lah..
My birthday party is coming soon. and I am all excited. I can't wait to blow the candles and cut the cake, to get my presents, to get countless of hugs and kisses and "
happy birthdays"..Somehow something is still missing. I hope my 21st year is a good year for me. The past years had been a nightmare that I sometime wish that I can jolt back to my senses in my AMK house and realise I am still 16.
My savings is running dry. My wishlist is piling high. I can't find a holiday job. I wish I can stop giving tuition. I wanna do so many things. I want to straighten my teeth to be the prettiest bride on the entire Earth, I need to pay for driving lessons cos I am going to drive a BRIGHT PINK AUDI CONVERTIBLE @ 25,
ok maybe 30 @ this stoopid turtle rate I am going, I want to buy the Gucci bags that i damn like and MH hates, I want to stop hating everybody, I still want to eat at Lawry's cos i wanted to eat there since donkey years ago, I want go Japan, Hongkong and UK, I want to go back to Scotland just to give Frank a hug and eat scones with strawberry jam, I want to spend 10 hours in Harrods grabbing Tiffany, Burberrys, Vuitton, Gucci, not forgetting Harrods bears and walking out of the door with my spanking new Burberry's trenchcoat and knee-high boots, I want to buy that pink Tag Heuer watch cos i like alot alot, I want to buy that diamond pendant cos i like glittery sparkling stuff, I want to go sun-tanning and jogging cos I am fat and semi-brown-semi-beige in the wrong places, I want to go for facials and a hair job cos my face is blemished and my hair is ugly, I want to go watch movies, I want some entertainment - shopping, eating good food, clubbing, shopping, buying things, I want some shopping kakis, mahjong kakis, kopi kakis, clubbing kakis, tanning kakis...
Please grant me all my
I-wants this Xmas...I've been a good gal this year and I promise to be better next year.
No, I am not in depression again.
Yesh, I am fine.. Still gorgeous and beautiful, not to forget, damn-smart(
I passed my advance theory 1st attempt ok). *
smirks*
Just a little not-so-contented-with-what-I-have.
Oh, you know, I feel a bit short-changed. I bought him a phone for his birthday in March ($400) then now, I wun get my present back. Very lugee rite?? Well, thats a lesson learnt for investment mistakes. Anyway, Junfeng's present will make everything ok!! rite anot darling??
*fingers crossed*
|3:30 AM|
Sunday, December 04, 2005
I think, I think too much...
Everytime I pray or wish,
I wish for one thing..
To be happy, happier...
Smiling has become a muscle reflex action..
I wonder if I laugh out of sheer entertaining, or to drown my innermost pain,
People whom I always regarded as friends seems to be drifting away..
Others wear a mask and lie through their teeth, for whatever fucking motive I do not know,
I sometimes think that its my fault..
Or yah,
I think I think too much..
I am starting to curl myself up and protect myself like a porcupine..
Spilling out words that hurt people around me..
I am really really sorry...And no, I do not like being one...
I have been so uptight that I dun even think I had the time to sit down and think what I really want in life, for myself, and for the people around me..
I feel I am losing myself..
I wanna be the happy, carefree girl I used to be..
I need someone to guide me along..
On my birthday this year,
When I make my wish..
I will silently pray, "
I wanna be happier.."
|2:18 PM|
I am starting to curl myself up and protect myself like a porcupine..