Sunday, October 30, 2005
我真的累了。。。
I cried really hard last night...
I had been trying to squeeze out all negative thoughts these days..
But yesterday, I felt really vulnerable and started crying..
Over the phone with Feng, I just broke down..
I feel stupid..lagging...thick in the head..
I wondered how I aced through my poly days..
I thought of how happy I would be if I am still working..
I can buy a car..support it with my tuition allowances..
Put on braces..and then go clubbing every weekend..
Meet up with Xiu over the weekends to go shopping or batam for a massage..
Hang out with my colleagues and drink till high on a FRiday nite..
Plan a holiday every 3 months or soo..
I have no more strength..
I feel stupid most of the time..
And I tell you..
This is FUCKING UNHEALTHY!!!
I am giving up..
I tell myself this is my last shot..
If I am kicked out of this whole scholarship glamour..
I WILL QUIT SCHOOL...
Get a tattoo, put on braces, go on a snorkelling trip, get a job, buy a branded bag, go clubbing every weekend, take up spanish classes, give tuition, learn driving, and buy a car..
Save enough money open my dream shop..
I can well afford all this when I am happier..
I dun need to be fucking rich..
When a man loves you..he will give you everything he has..
And for that, I will be happy with whatever little money we have..
Cos I will be happy at least..Spending happily...
Yes I know,
I see this big L on my forehead..
I feel like a loser too..giving up halfway..
But please forgive me..
Mock at me behind my back..
I can't really bother anymore..
I am really feeling terrible..
I really dunno what to do or expect..
|1:13 PM|
